


Common Mythology

by ophin



Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: Angst, Crack, Doppelganger, Jealousy, Long Lost/Secret Relatives, M/M, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:00:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24917992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ophin/pseuds/ophin
Summary: 'Guillermo had heard that going through days with little sleep, could make you start to hallucinate. That or his chocolate espresso bean buzz, heat exhaustion, or a mixture of all combined, were finally catching up with him.Maybe he just needed new glasses.Either way, he was clearly imagining Nandor in modern clothing, in bright, broad daylight, casually browsing vegetables in the supermarket.'
Relationships: Guillermo/Nandor the Relentless (What We Do in the Shadows TV)
Comments: 24
Kudos: 121





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is set in the summer inbetween Series 1 and 2.

Nights were shorter, and the days were longer. During the summer, it usually meant that Guillermo could occasionally sleep (this week was not the case), and do his chores during the day, at the cost of Nandor and most of the vampire housemates being bored, restless and mopey. This resulted in accidents like Nandor experimenting with becoming mist, and the incident with the air purifier, as well as Laszlo and Nadja going through familiars like hotcakes.

Lately, he’d been restless and tense, the Vampiric Council sending vampire after vampire. Sleep or even thinking about sleep or any kind of rest had flown out the window.

Guillermo had heard that going through days with little sleep, could make you start to hallucinate. That or his chocolate espresso bean buzz, heat exhaustion, or a mixture of all combined, were finally catching up with him.

Maybe he just needed new glasses.

Either way, he was clearly imagining Nandor in modern clothing, in bright, broad daylight, casually browsing vegetables in the supermarket.

If it really was Nandor, he’d be a pile of ash now, let alone flame.

Guillermo’s brain seemed to stop in its tracks, his shopping basket full of bleach and cleaning supplies almost slipping out of grip.

“ _Master?”_ He said, without thinking.

“What did you say?” ‘ _Nandor_ ’ said, turning towards Guillermo, in a north-eastern accent comically unlike his master’s voice. Guillermo near let out a hysterical laugh, holding it in.   
“What- oh, um nothing, I-”

Guillermo’s brain seemed to catch up with his body, remembering Nandor had _200,000 direct living descendants._ Maybe around the 199,999 mark when excluding Madeline; the stranger in the supermarket was most likely one of them.

Perhaps it was too coincidental to be living on Staten Island as well, but usually trying to figure out aspects of Guillermo’s life just ended in a headache, and let it just fly over his head.

Still, the exact resemblance and the normalcy were uncanny. It seemed like Guillermo had come full circle, and anything too normal was now too strange for him. There were differences: the man’s relaxed posture and expression on the stranger’s face; his shorter, messier hair, he was less pallid, the sweat on his brow, and, of course, his teeth.

“Sorry, the lack of sleep is probably getting to me,” Guillermo laughed awkwardly, “you just look like someone I know. Like a lot, a lot.”

“Oh, really?” He asked. “That wouldn’t be, er, Nandor, is it? Do you know him?”

Guillermo spluttered.

“Wha- Yes, no- I mean-”

“It’s just I’ve just been trying to catch up with distant relatives, you know? So, I sent off my DNA,” the stranger said, “a while ago and I’ve been trying to reconnect with family. He was on the website. He must have put in the wrong information, if he didn’t, he’d be over 800 years old by now.”

“Yeah, well,” Guillermo laughed awkwardly, “that’s my- boss for you. He’s not really up to date with technology.”

“You work for Nandor then?”

“Yeah, I’m his uh- assistant, of sorts,” Guillermo said, quickly diverting the topic, “I didn’t see you on the website - as living nearby?”

“I just registered on the website recently,” he shrugged. “I’m Darius, if I didn’t say.”

“Guillermo.”

“You said we look alike?” Darius asked.

“Ha, yeah, that’s an understatement,” Guillermo said, “if he wants to meet you – if you’d be up for that, I mean – you’ll see what I mean.”  
“Sure, I’d be up for that,” he smiled, easily. Guillermo’s brain stuttered.

He hadn’t seen Nandor smile like that before, it was odd to see the expression on an identical stranger’s face. He looked handsome, though the word didn’t quite click in his brain correctly.

“Great,” Guillermo said, a bit breathless, blushing, “could I have your number, then?” 

*

Guillermo stepped into the house two days ago, feeling lighter. He barely felt like he was carrying shopping. Somehow, Guillermo had spent the majority of yesterday managing texting with Darius back and forth between chores. He told himself it was a good way of staying awake, being easily distracted by Darius.

After Madeline, Guillermo wasn’t quite sure of how to broach the subject to Nandor. Too long waiting and Nandor would probably accuse him of keeping this from him. Finding the right time was impossible with Nandor, so it best to pick a time randomly and go ahead with it.

This evening, Nandor had taken himself to the library. His cape draped over the back of the chair he was sitting on, reading a letter with mild interest; his posture relaxed. The candles were almost burnt to the wick, the light dim, Guillermo mentally making to soon replace them.

Nandor didn’t look too tense, he could tell him now, and get it over with.

“Master,” Guillermo said, “I have good news!”  
“Guillermo, I’m very busy,” Nandor lifted whatever letter he was reading higher, covering his face, as if he was that intent on reading it, “can’t you tell me later?”  
“How much later?”

“Six months?”

Guillermo pressed his lips together. He might as well just say it now, rather than ask again.

“You have another relative living in the area, I found out yesterday. His name is Darius; he looks a lot like you.”

“Wait. I’m a Grandad again?” Nandor asked, looking at Guillermo blankly. “He looks like me? Does he have my nose?”

“He has- er- a lot more than your nose, Master.”

“… my ears?”

“I guess so.”

Maybe saying the looked almost exactly alike was a bit too much, for now.

Nandor then frowned.

“Madeline was like a little rabbit, with her heart going out in fright. I don’t want that again.”

“Oh, no, but he’s not-”

“Guillermo, I won’t be responsible for the deaths of all my descendants, that will be on you, if that’s what you’re planning.”

“I’m sure he has a stable heart, Master.”  
“Why? Have you tested it?”

“Sure. It’s very stable, Master,” Guillermo said, “he says he doesn’t have that much family left. So he’s been trying to connect with distant relatives.”

“Oh,” Nandor said, shifting in his chair uncomfortably, trying to act aloof. “I suppose, if he’s stable of heart, I would be fine with it.

“Good! Great!” Guillermo said, getting out his phone, “I’ll arrange it.”

“-do you think he’d like the teddy bear?”

“Uh- I think it might be impolite to give someone another person’s gift, Master.” _Even if they never received it._

“Oh.”

“He says he likes basketball, though.”

“ _Yes,”_ Nandor said, suddenly elated, “he must be my Grandson.”

“I don’t think it was in doubt, Master-”

“Guillermo, make a list! We must prepare!”


	2. 2

700 and some years without a reflection, you begin to doubt what you look like. Photos and portraits especially seem a dull comparison. You couldn’t catch yourself at a certain angle. Your perception of yourself distorts, or in Nandor’s case, inflates.

Darius seemed more accurate than any portrait Nandor had seen in some time.

They were both at a stand-still, looking at each other in the entrance of the house, with Nadja, Laszlo and Guillermo stood round them, looking like they were watching performance piece.

“Guillermo,” Nandor said, “are you sure this isn’t a magic trick?" 

Guillermo had said he was organizing a kind of family reunited moment, without any risk of possible death of said family member. Guillermo had been apparently planning, whilst texting this _Darius_ constantly. Perhaps he had just organized this as an elaborate trick on Nandor.

Both Nandor and Darius both leant in the same direction, as if looking in a mirror, and flinched when the two completed the same action at the same time.

Nandor hissed, Darius laughed easily.

“You weren’t kidding, when you said we looked alike, Guillermo,” Darius said, smiling.   
“Yeah, that’s kind of undercutting it,” Guillermo replied.

“You didn’t say Darius was a look-alikey, Guillermo,” Nandor complained.  
“I did,” Guillermo said, “lots of times.”

“Oh,” said Nandor, “you did?”

“I must say,” Laszlo said, “I don’t like this, at all, it’s too fucking creepy.”

“Very creepy, very unsettling,” Nadja agreed, her lips curled.

“Don’t say that about my Grandson-”

“Cousin! He means cousin,” Guillermo he said to Darius; Nandor frowned.

Guillermo _had_ taken him aside beforehand, and said Nandor should wait, a little while, before he said so, and that he was a vampire. Surely it had already been a little while since meeting him.

“For some reason, I’m getting déjà vu,” Laszlo continued, “though I can’t say exactly why.”

Nadja grimaced; an uncomfortable silence fell upon the room.

“Why is there a banner saying Happy Birthday?” Darius asked, trying to make conversation.   
“I thought I missed out on a lot of your Birthdays,” Nandor said, as if that was a reasonable explanation, “also I thought the glitter banner was very cool.”

“Gizmo said you were a scrawny little orphan boy,” Nadja said, “you must be very poor, the orphans in my village were reared by the local goats and fed on their milk. Stronger than you’d expect. Of course, we are all orphans at one point or another.”

“That isn’t-” Guillermo tried to cut in.

“Well, that’s very thoughtful of you, Nandor,” Darius said.

Nandor felt very proud of himself.

“I really like the glitter on the floor, it’s a nice touch too.”  
“You have excellent taste,” Nandor said, near beaming, “Darius, you remind me of myself, when I was your age.”

“Aren’t we around the same age?”

“You just remind me of myself- a year ago. I was very different then,” Nandor improvised, “come, look upon my collection. Guillermo tells me you like basketballs.”

*

Guillermo had tried to bribe Colin to leave Darius be. Guillermo had left him a leaflet for a new local knitting group (all the other groups in the area he had joined had either banned him or disbanded after one or two gatherings, after constantly critiquing different teachers on the technique. He had once managed to take over a class. That had been a meal.)

Colin, though, can’t help himself. He sees Darius wandering through the house alone, and he can’t help himself.

“Now, Darius, you wouldn’t happen to know what the difference is between these ancestry sites, as I can’t quite wrap my head around it. How could one be better than the other? More hidden relatives-”

It’s clear, after ten minutes or so, in which Darius’ eyes don’t seem to glaze over, or doesn’t even stifle a yawn, that Colin seemed to have no effect on him.

It’s like talking to a black hole.

“Nice talking to you, Colin.”  
Darius patted him on the shoulder – seeming unaffected and walked away.

_Odd._

*

“Congratulations, old chap,” Laszlo said, “your seed is stronger than we thought.”

Nandor watched, as Guillermo escorted Darius outside, from the upstairs window. Darius had suggested it; Nandor had then ordered Guillermo to. Irritatingly, they seemed- too friendly. He didn’t know what to think about that.

Nandor saw Guillermo seem to laugh, at something Darius had said, and something seemed to rise in Nandor’s chest, a twisting feeling, something close to irritation? Yes, that was probably it.

“Let’s just make sure this doesn’t happen, again,” Nadja grimaced, cutting Nandor. “I can withstand the sad little orphan man, but three, four Nandor’s? No. Not allowing it.”  
“Hey!” Nandor objected, “what’s wrong with that?”

“I’d much prefer three Nadjas myself, or even better, perhaps three of myself,” Laszlo added.

“Oh, we’d have so much fun, my darling.”

“Even better than when we met that Shapeshifter in the summer of ‘53 in Nevada,” Laszlo reminisced. “that was a night I’ll never forget.”

“Are you sure that was a Shapeshifter?” Nadja frowned, “I thought that was Nandor in very poor, dim lighting.”

Nandor was thankful Colin Robinson walked in, for once.

“Wowzers, Nandor, that really was something. You know, after 11 generations you’re only supposed to share 0.05% of DNA, so after 30 plus generations you must only share 0.0016 recurring DNA. So buddy, it really is impressive.”

“Not even Genghis Khan has a looky-likey Grandson, I bet,” Nandor said.  
“I’d say it’s more than likely,” Colin countered, with a shrug. “If you have one, I’d bet he most probably has enough for a small country. Maybe even the size of Lichtenstein.”

Nandor hissed.

“Shut up, Colin Robinson!”

“Are you sure he’s a genuine little orphan boy, Nandor? The Witches didn’t get their stinky, grabby little hands on your sperm?” Nadja asked. “He could be here to trick you.”

“Or, my darling,” Laszlo added, “he could be a clone of some kind? A creature of science. A baby of the test tube. A bottle baby.”

“Or, once, in my village, a goat keeper woman claimed that her baby had been snatched, and replaced with a baby with the same face,” Nadja suggested. “But she might have just wanted to get rid of the baby. It was very ugly.”

Nandor rolled his eyes.

“He’s my Grandson! He’s human, I heard his heartbeat.”

“You never know, he could have had a raven hidden under his jacket,” Nadja said, “I hear they have very similar heartbeats.”

*

Guillermo had stepped out, along with Darius, to say goodbye. Compared to the weather during day, the air was bitingly cold, Guillermo crossing his arms to keep warm.

“It’s a lot to take in,” Darius eventually said, sweeping back his hair with one hand. “You go from having no family one minute, to meeting an identical stranger the next. Strange as a word wouldn’t cover it.”

“Ha, yeah, I guess so,” Guillermo said, half-laughing, “you don’t know the half of it.”

“Oh, yeah, really?” Darius asked. “So, er, are you and Nandor a couple, then?”

Guillermo spluttered.

“What- no!” Guillermo said, flustered, “do we- do we seem like a couple?”

“You did call me _Master_ when you thought I was Nandor,” Darius shrugged, “I just thought you two had some sort of kinky behind-the-scenes relationship.”

“Oh, yeah, no, Nandor’s just my boss. He’s just- old fashioned,” Guillermo said, “he’s not- he wouldn’t be interested in me.”

“Well, that’s good,” Darius smiled, “I don’t want to compete with my cousin.”

“What?” Guillermo asked. Sure, they’d be texting constantly since Guillermo had met him a couple of days ago. He didn’t really want to think about the ethical questions of dating Nandor’s great times thirty Grandson, though he normally avoided those kinds of thoughts anyway. Did it mean-

Darius brought a hand to Guillermo’s hair, cutting of his thoughts. For a moment, Guillermo wondered, Darius might brush the hair from his forehead. He just seemed to take something out of his hair.

“Leaf,” Darius said, holding up said leaf.

“Oh,” Guillermo said,

Guillermo faintly heard something crash in the distance.

“What was that?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there's any silly mistakes, sorry! This was again un-betaed
> 
> Thank you for reading! : )

**Author's Note:**

> What up, this may be a four or five chapter fic? 
> 
> Sorry if there's any glaring mistakes! This was un-betaed. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
